Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A Virtuous Woman

Well, I feel like an especially wonderful example of womankind these days.

Not only have I sworn off my nasty voodoo-doll habit as of yesterday (now that I've offed my arch-nemesis), but I've apparently gone off stealing as well. Who'd a thunk it?

Check out what I passed up in the hallway of the Marriott Courtyard, Ventura.

You guessed it, a cartload of Gideon Bibles!

IMG_7613, originally uploaded by ehdindigo.

You long-time readers know about my penchant for lifting The Good Book. And here there were three (3/trzy/drie/trois/drei/три) Bibles on the maid's cart!

How did I let them all get away?

Was it:

  • Goodness?

  • A righteous spirit?

  • A moment of absentmindedness?


No, my friends, they were all in English, and I'm afraid I'm full up on English language Bibles these days. Had they been in Zulu or Korean or Portuguese or Latin, there'd be no doubt that my returning checked baggage would have been at least 12 ounces heavier, plus or minus a gramme or two.

As it is, I can't be bothered with Bibles in my native tongue. I crave the eccentric, the unusual, the odd. Mr D is planning a trip to Sweden in the fall, so perhaps I'll prevail upon him. Although he's mighty forgetful, and he also hates the idea of having to ship more books when we next move house, so I'm probably out of luck there.

I tried to get Rob, my friend in Moscow, to steal me a Russian Bible, but his upright Episcopal schoolboy upbringing got the better of him, and he couldn't bring himself to do it. I imagined him sitting there alone in the hotel room, opening the drawer, and shutting it. Opening it. Shutting it. Opening. No, shutting. Shutting it. Keeping it shut. At least he was thinking of me, just a little... even if only in a kind of Bible-stealing way. I'll take whatever I can get, attention-wise.

Or perhaps he was worried that the KGB would track him down at a later date? Whatever. Clearly, it's all down to me, this Bible stealing business, at the end of the day.

And come to think of it, I haven't hit up Miss T for a Scottish Bible either. What do they speak there? Besides Dour?

No, silly, it's Gaelic. Possibly a Gaelic Bible might be even more of a downer than the usual. And drat it all, I didn't even think of nicking a Welsh Bible whilst at the Hay-on-Wye Book Festival.

Obviously I need to hone my criminal skills. Opportunity lost, but there you go.



Crabby McSlacker said...

Wait... you swore off your voodoo doll habit? After it worked?

You should at least sell the thing, because a working voodoo doll has got to be worth a fortune! You could buy all the exotic bibles you wanted.

expateek said...

Good point, Crabby! I'll hang onto my voodoo doll for a while.

But buying bibles? ...It's just not the same as stealing them, mainly because I like the paradox -- is it stealing if you're stealing a bible?

It would probably be better if I just read the durn things, but then I'd probably come across that "Thou shalt not steal" business and the jig would be up. Besides, it would cut into my National Enquirer reading time if I divided my attentions.

Vic said...

I think a Gaelic bible would be really cool! Long though. That's a lot of consonants to pack in there!

Tracy said...

Thanks so much for your comment on my post on the Women's Colony!

Anna said...

You should have told me that you wanted a Swedish bible. Those door knockers were at our doorstep almost every other week trying to give us one (Swedish Lutheran Church).

I can swipe you a Japanese one next time I'm staying at a big chain hotel. Or get one from the door knockers here (Methodists, I think).

expateek said...

Hi Vic -- yeah, I found a really beautiful one on Google... Now I'm thinkin', why steal 'em... just snatch them virtually. My bookshelves are too full anyhoo.

Tracy -- your post was awesome. Keep writing for The Women's Colony. That was lovely.

Anna -- I might go for a Japanese one... although that means we definitely have to meet up! And you're always jussssssst at the weight limit with your luggage. It could be a really expensive "free" bible if it gets charged by the kilo! Maybe I'd better come visit when you're in Japan.

And it's slightly more exciting to steal them myself. Don't know what that says about me, except that I'm odd. Which we already knew. xxx

dkuroiwa said...

This made me giggle...seriously...bibles!
So...somewhere in my mess of stuff, I have a bible or two in Japanese that I took when I was leaving the private girls' school I had been at for 5 years....hmmmm....will put it on my list of "things to find" and put your name on it! (they didn't know I took them, so it would still be considered 'stolen', right!?) :-D

It's nice to "meet" you...your comment over at The Colony? I thank you.

As Arnold said..."I'll be back."

expateek said...

Hi dk -- Excellent. Yes, any kind of stealing is probably fine. (Hmmm. Somehow, that came out wrong.)

When I someday get to Japan, I'll look you up, and then maybe you can leave it on the table in the guest bedroom and I'll nick it as I leave (stolen twice! even better!)

Loved your essay at the WC. And the photo, marvelous as well. Keep writing! You inspired me to submit one of mine as well.