Oh my gosh! It's unbelievable!
You've probably heard about the recent spate of "boss-nappings" in France, where disgruntled workers take their company's CEO hostage to protest against poor working conditions, lay-offs, and the like.
And now... you guessed it! The French boss of the bad news has been nabbed.
He was surrounded by an unruly mob while leaving after work on Friday. Workers demanding better severance packages after The Company's recent job cuts took him by surprise and hauled him off.
Allowed not even a phone call to his loved ones (deemed unnecessary because in fact he is entirely unloved the world over), he was locked up in a small room at the HQ at Rueil Malmaison, near Paris.
He's been allowed only a baguette and some sardines so far. He asked for sparkling water too, but The Company's cutting costs all over, so for now he's just getting tap water. He was quoted as saying "This feels to me, just like Alcatraz. Eet ees unbearable!"
Meanwhile, the executive board of The Company is meeting in closed session to decide how to proceed with mediations.
Their first action has been to call in an expert hostage negotiator, Dr. Owl.
Dr. Owl has excellent credentials, having received his Certificate of Arbitration and Negotiation from a 12-week online program via the University of Bracknell, United Kingdom. We are sure that the negotiations will go smoothly, and have every expectation that le French boss of the bad news shall be released shortly.
And if not, well, tant pis.*
Stay tuned for updates.
*That's French for tough luck, pal.