Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Voodoo works, apparently!

Toothpick voodoo, originally uploaded by Juha-Matti.

Oopsie daisy!

Looks like we got a little carried away over here.

Remember how expateek and Mr D were prematurely ejected from Poland? How, right before Christmas, they had to hear that they were being summarily rejected by The Company's European division? How they had to return to the USA, tails between legs and shame-faced gloriously welcomed home by the American division of the same company? And how, in the dead of winter of Warsaw they had to pack up all their belongings and how expateek cried bitter tears over it all?

And she's still sweeping up the litter from all the ticker-tape parades she's been to, here in the USA, celebrating their repatriation.

Brushing the confetti out of her gorgeous brunette locks.

Pulling at her earlobes a little, trying to adjust her tympani after hearing all the gleeful shrieks of "OMG! You're back! OMG!"

Even Mr D's been a bit verklempt over all the love and attention he's received from his American colleagues. Who knew how much he was appreciated? (Well, expateek did, of course, but very gratifying to have it confirmed that she's not the only one.)

Anyhoo, you may also remember that expateek spent a few dark and wicked hours (more than a few, in truth) wishing the most unfortunate ills upon le French boss of ze bad news, the cretin executive who visited all of this joy upon us.

Using expateek's best virtual skillz, he was, over the course of several months,

eaten by bears,

pecked to death by birds,

IMG_5791 clownboils, originally uploaded by ehdindigo.
visited with boils,

crushed in an industrial machinery accident,

5791clownhail4, originally uploaded by ehdindigo.

frozen to death in a hailstorm,

attacked by sharks,


mauled by a lion,

drowned by crocodiles on the Zambezi river,

and stamped upon by expateek's foot.

Not that she harbours grudges or anything. She's as willing as the next person to let bygones be bygones.

She'd pretty much let go of all her anger and resentment, especially after her buddy Don reminded her not to be such a hater.

So you can imagine how expateek felt yesterday evening when Mr D arrived home from work and casually mentioned that le French boss of ze bad news had been demoted.

Oooooah. Quel... umm. C'est... uhhh.

expateek was at a loss for words.

Mr D smiled his cat eating the canary smile at expateek, and without much comment, he quietly opened a nice bottle of cabernet sauvignon.

Not celebrating, of course. Because that would be wrong.

No, just the usual peaceful evening at home, in America.

MORAL: Don't cross expateek, because apparently in the voodoo department she's more powerful than she looks. In spite of not knowing what she's doing. At all.



Mr London Street said...

I'm sure I have mentioned before how I plan not to piss you off, but let me say so again.

Now you've proved you have the power to get people demoted maybe you should prove that you have the power to get people cool new jobs. You can start with me.

expateek said...

MLS -- hmmm, this is an interesting proposal. Will probably begin by photoshopping your face onto one of the numerous WWF action-figures that we've got hanging about here... then it'll be all glitter parades, important interviews with CEOs and chief IT specialists, and celebratory lunches at NOBU or The Ivy. Will commence ASAP.

Because you're so nice and clever, I'm sure the fates will be kind. We reserve most opprobrium for zee French and/or zee stupid. Since you're neither, I see sunshine and rainbows in your future.

Don said...

Enjoy your schadenfreude, you earned it. Thanks also for the shout-out. I'm working on becoming a zen master, so this helps....

expateek said...

Don -- Zen master, minimalist painter, airline exec, Archipelago-dweller... is there nothing you're not good at?

Oddly enough, just now I was hanging your most excellent painting in my hall. Your genius is legendary now.

Iota said...

Ooh, I'm definitely not going to get on the wrong side of you.