Thursday, June 4, 2009

My Name is Sybil

Not really, but boy, is this weird. Yesterday and today, I've started writing various posts in my head, and I get going and then it's all, NO! We're not using expateek today! We're speaking in our own real voice.

And then I get kind of confused, because who the hell is "we"? Is this multiple personality week? Myself, expateek, and some other crowd of people in there? Like Mrs. Staines-British-Accent? Madame Speaks-English-Like-Zees? Channeling Sally Field here, but without the bad eyeglasses, please.

Sybil_DVD, originally uploaded by ehdindigo.

Uhhh. It's making me confused, which I suppose is a big part of the problem with multiple personality disorder. Of course, it could work to Mr D's advantage. Madame D cooks dinner, but then expateek has to clear the table, and Mrs. Staines washes up. Too bad he's never thought of exploiting this before, because he certainly hasn't gotten a lick of housework out of any of us for years! I was just going to complain to him that he shrank another one of my tennis tops when he did the laundry, but now he'll probably just tell me that he's gotten Mrs. Staines to take over, because you know how those Brits love to iron.

Hopefully, there's also a sporty Afrikaner girl in there with a rippin' open-stance forehand, and a thin and beautiful Polish girl who can teach me how to be thin and elegant, so I can fit back into my skinny jeans. I'm not gonna bet on this, but I'm pretty sure Agnieszka doesn't eat as many pierogis as expateek does.

I'm going to go take a roll-call of all the people in my head, and get back to ya.


Belle said...

I like the sporty Afikaner. I see her clearly. She is standing next to the braai, drinking a Castle.

expateek said...

Mmm mmm! Probably a blonde, too. And she says "Jaaaaaaaa" a lot.

Mr London Street said...

Tricky this. I like your third person expateek style of writing/narration but I wasn't a reader of your blog back when it was more personal.

I wonder how many personalities will own up?

Anna said...

So can skinny Agnieszka explain how they do it? I mean eat all this artery clogging food over here and still stay skinny? I've gained 3 kilos in a month and I'm NOT happy. And oh yeah, how do they manage to walk in high heels on cobblestones?

Don said...

I realise I am behind the beat here, but I have been amusing myself a great deal the past few days, imagining what your blog would be like had you decided to take up Mr. Purple's invitation at Yale!

Perhaps an alternate-reality (fiction) blog is in order...?

Red Shoes said...

Mmm, pierogis. So, my heritage is Polish, but I have never been to Poland. I always assumed the girls there were round, like my mother and grandmother and that eventually, I too would be round, as is already evidenced by the fact that no matter how slim I am nowadays, the tummy always has pudge. But, you say the girls are slim. So then... what IS their secret? I feel entitled to it. It is my heritage and birthright, after all... isn't it?

expateek said...

Anna and Red Shoes -- I honestly don't know the answer to any of those questions! Staying slim? Stillettos on cobblestones? Polish women were a complete mystery to me. And I to them, I'm sure.

Once I ran into the local miniEuropa (grocery) on Sunday morning, wearing my tennis kit, bare legs and trainers, and a giant black overcoat to cover up, in the dead of winter. Naturally with all the running, my big muscular bare legs were flashing all over the place, and of course, Sunday mass had just let out. You should have seen the looks I got. Brrr. Icy stares is putting it gently.

Minnesota Matron said...

The Matron has similar problems.

expateek said...

Matron -- yes, isn't it a tough one? I'm torn. Or expateek is. Or... ?