Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Screaming and rending of clothing

expateek is pretty sure you could hear her screaming and shrieking from wherever in the world you happen to be right now.

Because when she picked up Mr D from work yesterday, he hopped in the car, and said, "Turn the car off for a sec. I have something to tell you."

Oh oh. expateek turned off the car. This conversational opening is never good, not when it comes from Mr D.

Mr D continued, "I met with Chris today, and he told me that it looks like The Company wants to move us to Riga. For the Baltic states pilot programme. It's probably just for the year." Tentatively, Mr D turned toward expateek.

"Whaddya think?"

Mr D looked both excited and afraid. Excited about the opportunity. Afraid of expateek.

expateek sat there. Speechless. The silence grew longer and longer, and Mr D began looking less and less excited and more and more afraid.

Suddenly, expateek exploded.

What? What? WHAT? Are you bloody kidding? We just bought a car 3 weeks ago! We just gave notice to the tenants in our old house! We just heard that our container's arrived and our stuff's been put in storage here in Chicago. Are you insane? Are you bloody flippin' NUTS?

Mr D cringed.

You ARE nuts! You ARE! You are CRAZY! Get out of the car! GET OUT! Get out get out get out get out get out! Get out NOW!

expateek started pummeling the sleeve of Mr D's jacket.

Mr D scrambled to open the door, clawing with panicked fingers for the handle. He jumped out of the car, trying to avoid more slaps and nearly tripping over the curb as he stumbled with his briefcase and laptop bag to an upright position on the pavement. Another employee leaving work glanced toward Mr D and expateek, and then quickly averted his eyes and adjusted his path, giving them a wide berth.

You are absolutely unbelievable! screamed expateek. Simply and totally unbelievable! I suggest you take your stupid Blackberry and call a taxi, because I've bloody had enough. Latvia!? Why not Siberia, fer chrissake?

And expateek turned on the car and yanked the door shut, threw the car into reverse, and gunned it out of the carpark, leaving Mr D standing there on the side of the road with his mouth hanging open and his briefcase spilling open onto the sidewalk. She knew she'd just drive around the block and have to come back to pick him up, but whatever. She was furious.

If you want to see on a map where expateek's probably maybe supposedly going to be living a few months from now, click here. Can you believe it?



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7 comments:

polandian said...

Holy Latvia Batman!

Don said...

April Fool's!

Red Shoes said...

I totally fell for that. I'm a sucker.

Don said...

First reaction: is Mr D ...sorry to be un-pc....RETARDED? Second reaction: Surely it must be a dream...uh nightmare.....and now.....April Fool! oyoyoy Sooz :o)

Christine said...

You had me going. Hahaha! I was starting to feel sorry for Mr. D.

Iota said...

Oh ha ha. I fell for it. Was about to tell you that Latvia would be fun.

Hannah Rose said...

Well played, Expateek, well played. you had ME going. But, I figured that reaction was too dramatic for such a cool cucumber as yourself...