Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Programming interruption

We're interrupting the regularly scheduled Seven Deadly Sins programming to bring you a special update.

A couple of news items, really.

Firstly, expateek wants you to know that the life of an artiste is damned difficult. This morning, Mr D gave expateek a funny look at about 6am, which meant that the whole damned photo-shoot had to be taken down just so that he could eat breakfast on the breakfast table.

For the love of Mike.

All the extras were on set. The stars had rehearsed their lines and were ready to go. The props guys had wrangled the obelisk into position, which was no mean feat considering the outside temperatures and the traffic this morning in Warsaw.

And then Mr Electricity decides he wants his muesli and yoghurt at the kitchen table.

Now we know how Stanley Kubrick felt when he was trying to get just the right effects using state-of-the-art front projection techniques. The frustration of trying over and over and over again. Miles of film wasted. Hours lost. It's just hell to be an innovator, a visionary. Only the truly brilliant can share in the excitement. The others just calmly tuck into their muesli, drive off to their day jobs, and, well, actually fund the whole operation. Whatever.

So. Only quiet ranting and raving on the set, non? Shhhhh!

Anyway, yes, where were we? Of course! It's the remake of 2001: A Space Odyssey. And it is coming out en français!!! Because it is almost the week of the annual meeting of electricity in Paris! A few days of fun and electrifying new marketing techniques! A shockingly exciting display of world-class high-and-low-voltage solutions! And all employees can make the circuit and light up when they encounter old friends and new! So we are creating a thrilling video presentation which will ignite the passion for continuing the corporate vision.

Yes! Or rather, Oui!

But first... the opening address.

Everyone is so excited.

They are beside themselves,
not knowing whether to laugh...

or to cry.

It is this new! This ground-breaking.

Circuit breakers! Programmable controllers!
Low voltage capacitor banks! Whoo hoo!

The suspense builds.

The camera pans away and...

Yes! (Or rather Oui!)

It is the obelisk of electrical knowledge!

Suddenly, the light changes, and...

everything is illuminated...

Aaaaaaaaand.... it's a wrap. Good work, boys! See you in Paris.

Or not. If your contract's canceled between now and then, don't book a flight, okay? The Company won't be reimbursing you.

Ta ta!



Don said...

"Front Projection"?!?!?!? Damn, girl, I am impressed.

Gill - That British Woman said...

I am mentioning your blog on a post I am doing on Friday, hope you don't mind.

Gill in Canada

expateek said...

Don -- everything I know, I learn at Wikipedia! But I DO love film (and I am still sorry I slept thru your home-screening of The Third Man!) Eternally regretfully yours, x

Gill -- that would be lovely, unless of course you're mentioning me in your column on "Blogs that cause brain damage". At least I eat my Brussels sprouts tho!!

Christine said...

I always wondered if anybody else was witness to your creative genius.

expateek said...

Christine -- apparently you and two others! Thank goodness! I can stop crossing out Readers for a few posts. xx

Rob said...

So, with the pending move to Chicago do you become ex-expateek?? re-expateek?? or does it just become an honorific like "Your honor" for a retired judge?

Love your Blog

expateek said...

Rob -- I know!!! I've been in agony over this. My latest thought is that, after six and a half years, the US will seem just as weird and foreign as the rest of the world. The Company does actually require/request attendance at a repatriation workshop... I just hope it won't involve eating KFC and practicing questions like "Brussels: is that in Switzerland or is it a separate country?"

Glad you like it, and that I haven't bored everyone to death!

Rob said...

Believe me, I understand- just spent the last two years in rural bush Alaska (in the world that time forgot, no roads to or from Bethel) which is a very different world, before that three years on Guam and before that Japan (you would be surprised how many people don't know the difference between Sushi and Sashimi). Coming back is a real adjustment. For me, what really helped was talking about it (better than play therapy). After the 12th time trying to explain where Guam is- I gave up and found it was easier and more believable to just tell folks I’d been in prison for the last 7 years.

Just a FYI...be careful with the Brussels thing...you may end up with more slimy shrunken-headed cabbage than you bargain for.