Thursday, December 18, 2008

Święty Mikołaj tells Dmitri the truth

*oh!* *oh!*
Oh no, Święty Mikołaj!
I don't think I can stand to look!

Get a grip, Dmitri.
We need to be sure that the Santa Module
and the innermost Snowman 1.3b Command Centre
are completely deactivated.

Man up, dude.
It'll all be over in a minute or two.

Look! What are those?

They're the Cyber-crocs.
They can smell their virtual prey for miles and miles.

Usually they creep up behind their victims
and snag them with their long cyber-tongues.

Eeeew! This makes me sick.
My Agnieszka's tongue looks like this sometimes.

Please, Dmitri, for heaven's sake.
I'm gonna lose my lunch.
Too much information.
Let's leave your sex life out of this.

Sex life?
What is this, Święty Mikołaj?

Forget it, Dmitri, just forget it.

When the Cyber-crocs finish up...

Hey Dmitri! Look!
The Waitrose Christmas Cracker
lions are here too.
This is starting to remind me of that one Christmas
I spent lazing by the shores of
the Zambezi River.
Wow... What memories...

Look, Dmitri, see how they are just toying with the Snowman?
Just like big kitties, really.
It's all rather sweet,
how they play with their food like that.

Święty Mikołaj!
How can you be so cold?

Hey, buddy, I hail from the North Pole, remember?
I have cold in the blood.
It's all Ice, Ice Baby at my house.
Besides, I have to connect with my cold, dark side
when I'm crossing all those naughty children
off my Christmas list.

It is true, Comrade.
I think your job must be bardzo trudno.
Really difficult.
Do you like my Polish?
I try to learn, in case you change mind about Polish wife for me.

Give it up, Dmitri.
Not gonna happen.

And, notice, too... the Worms have arrived.


What century are you from, man?
Haven't you heard of worms?
They're all over the internet and in your computer too.

Computers? Internet?

Oh, Dmitri. You are pathetic.
I don't even know why I bother.

Look, worms are the scavengers of the virtual world.
They come in and pick the bones clean, as it were.
Soon there'll be not a trace
of this whole ugly mess.

Yes, I see this.

And so, Dmitri.
What have we learned from all this?

Ummm. I am not sure?

I hate to break it to ya, pal,

but Dmitri?

Yes, Dmitri, there is no Santa Claus.



Jim said...

WHAT? You can't go spreading rumours like that.

Here we are, enjoying a normal fairy story about invasion, sex and mass murder and you come up with something like that.

Please go to and see for yourself.

Have a good yule!

expateek said...

Oops! Sorry Jim. I guess I should have waited until Boxing Day. Hope "Santa" still brings you some toys.

Pop some Christmas crackers and think of me. I couldn't bring them to Poland because they're FIRECRACKERS and contraband on airplanes. Just what I don't need... Xmas in the clink!

xx have a wonderful holiday!