Thursday, December 18, 2008

Święty Mikołaj and Dmitri take a breather

Whew! That was close!

I'll say. We got away just in time.
Follow me. If we get to higher ground, we can see what's happening
with that damned pod and the Santa module. Come on!

*puff* *puff* *puff* Święty Mikołaj! Slow down -- I can't keep up.

Oh, fine, Dmitri. Fer cryin' out loud,
I thought peasants were supposed to be in great physical shape!
keep fit in the off-season by running half-marathons
and speed-skating in the winter.
Notice how slim and fit I am? You could lose the gut, pal.

Da, Comrade Święty Mikołaj. Of course you are right.
But please, while we're resting, I want to ask you something about Christmas.


Well, I was hoping you could bring me
something special for Christmas.
I've tried to be good.

Hmmm, I don't usually take any requests this late in the day,
but go ahead, just this once.
What is it you want?

Well, Święty Mikołaj, I have heard that these Polish girls...
they are just so beautiful. Could you find me a Polish girl to marry?

Dmitri! That's absurd!
And besides, you're already married aren't you?

Oh, Święty Mikołaj. I am, but it is so sad.

Really? What happened? Did she die or something?

No such luck.
But here, let me show you her picture while I tell you about her.
Here she is.

Why... why Dmitri, she's beautiful!
You fat old goat, how'd you ever land a babe like this?

Ah, this too is a little bit sad.
I too was young once.
And I was handsome. And strong.

Yeah, right, well, smell isn't everything, Dmitri.
But I don't see the problem.
Why do you want to get rid of such a bootylicious beeatch?

*sigh* Mmmm, she's so hot she's smokin'. *sigh*

Please. Listen, Święty Mikołaj.
It's not like that any more.
Here is last year's photograph from
the Moscow Expat Wives Club Directory.

Jeebus God, Man! I see your point.
But unfortunately, Dmitri, there's some bad news.

See, where I come from,
a dog wife is not just for Christmas.
I'm afraid you're stuck on this one.

Okay, Święty Mikołaj....
Well, at least I tried.

It's really just her ears that bother me.
I suppose I'll live.

Aw, come on, Dmitri. Buck up, man!
We need to get a move on.
We've got some carnage to oversee.



Anonymous said...

This story is getting pretty scary. I hope we'll be getting back to the aliens and away from the relationship stuff soon.

expateek said...

Ha ha! LOL. You always crack me up!

La Belette Rouge said...

The figurines just on looks alone are a bit menacing.

expateek said...

I know, aren't they awfully queer? Eastern Europe has the patent on frightening small children (and adults too) to death. Brrr. Grimm's fairy tales.... spine chilling!!